Monday, June 6, 2011

2 years

Two years ago on Saturday (June 4) I lost Jess to Brain Cancer.... as I thought about her all day I wrote this that evening...

Dear Jess -

Two years - it's been two years since I was driving to work and received "the call" - "the call" that changed my life as I knew it.  I will always remember where I was on Luna Road that morning.... it will be a place that when I drive there I can't help but remember the ring, Della's voice, and the calmness in my voice that said - "Della, I need to get to work and I will call you back."  I knew I had to wait until I was stationary, off the road, and not be a hazard to other drivers.  Crying while driving is just as dangerous as drunk least crying in the state that I was in.

I made it to work - parked, got in the building went to my office, shut the door and called my mom.  Came out of my office - went into Luann's and set there and bawled until I could piece myself together to call my boss and get home.  I knew that with this news meant a lot of people would be coming over.  I went home, changed all the sheets on the beds, cleaned the house, and prepared for a few days of chaos and many people.  I knew the couple of hours I had to do that was the only hours I would have alone for up to a week.  No one was going to let me be by myself.  And that was ok.

I wanted to call Bill - I texted him instead.  All I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me.... but that was going to have to wait.  We were still apart at the time you passed .... 

June 4 will never be the will be the day that I was robbed of years with my best friend, it will be the day that I will never forget where I was, what I was doing and the flood of sadness that engulfed me that day.  It will be the day my heart broke into a million pieces for your family, your friends, all of those  that loved you.  It was the day I realized we will never go eat soup and salad at Olive Garden or nachos at Cristina's... we will never go spend way too much money at the mall or just randomly go see a movie again.  It was the day I realized I would never be able to call you when Bill and I got back together (even though I believe you had a hand in it while sitting up in heaven smiling), it was a day I had a sobering reality that my partner in crime, my best friend, my sister, and I would never speak/text/email again.  It is a day that breaks my heart each and every time I think about it.

I know that you would want me to not be sad, to live a life to the fullest, that brings awareness to the awful disease that took you too soon so I do.... I wake up each day with a smile on my face, thankful that I woke up and have a day to enjoy.  I'm thankful for my health and the steps I take to ensure I have a long, healthy life with  my family, my friends, and my future children.  I wake up each day and throughout some point think of you and how you changed my life even after you were physically gone from this earth.  I wake up and thank God that he gives us angels like you.

I wake up and think about this...
“God, whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people – because that’s what life is all about. I don’t want to waste this day.”
Don't forget about Mrs. Adventures DAY OF GIVEAWAYS ON FRIDAY JUNE 10!


  1. This gave me chills. Thinking of you today!

  2. What an amazing post. Many prayers for you.

  3. Sorry for your loss. Cancer just plain sucks.

  4. Amazing post. Beautiful. Best wishes.

  5. How lucky you are to have someone so special in your life, even if it wasn't near long enough.


  6. Amazing post! Thinking of you! ((HUGS))

  7. THis was beautiful in so many ways.

    Always remember that you have your extended family in the Baha's to help you with anything you need.

  8. Again the tears, I can't help but cry for your loss sweets.

  9. beautiful letter. i'm so sorry for your loss.


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