ups and downs

I had a tough day yesterday with my training.

I was on such a high from my run on Sunday that I tought surely I would kill my workout on Monday.  Typically, for me, the state of euphoria I enter after an awesome training session lingers for at least a few days - but not this time.

I did my weights/core workout during lunch and rocked it.  I hammered out my whole set (3 times) with core in like 30 minutes.  I was feeling strong, accomplished, and proud of myself that I completed it during lunch rather than give in and go eat with friends.  1 point Allison.

I cut out a little early from work to avoid the Aqua Bitches and also so that I could wrap up my swim fairly early and Bill and I could make it to dinner at a reasonable hour for Valentines Day.

I got to the gym, changed - there was only 1 gentlemen in the pool...score.  Hopped in - started my watch and started swimming.

I swam my 500 yd warm up no problem.

Then I hit a wall.  By this time I was sharing a lane, which doesn't bother me all that much.  In fact I sometimes wish they would swim closer to me or kick me or push me under just to simulate race day, but that's beside the point. 

After my warm up I was slated to do a 200 yd kick drill.  I hate putting my fins on in the gym pool so I skipped it and went right to my 300 yd pull.

I couldn't find my breath and became increasingly more irritated.  I was gulping in water through my mouth and nose.  I could get my flip turns right.  I was a hot mess.

After my set of pull I went back to just swimming.  I swam another 300ish yds and the same thing.  I couldn't find my rhythm. Nothing was helping.

I did something I haven't done in a long time.....

I gave up.  I said f' it.  I'm out of here.

I got out of the water; grabbed my stuff and stomped to the locker room like a child picks up his toys and stomps home.

By this time I was crying.

I changed into dry clothes got in my car and sat in silence the whole way home. (except for the few minutes I talked to Bill on the phone)  I kept thinking - I'm not ready, I'm never going to be able to finish NOLA, I won't be ready in 60 days..... doubt crept in and still lingers today.

I know that my goal is to finish...and finish in an upright position.  But I also want to compete knowing that I left everything out there for 70.3 miles.  I can't give up on race day.

I guess it's just one of those days....at dinner last night I compared my training to bipolar disorder.... some days your up and some days your down.....and sometimes it is a very drastic swing.