2 years

Two years ago on Saturday (June 4) I lost Jess to Brain Cancer.... as I thought about her all day I wrote this that evening...

Dear Jess -

Two years - it's been two years since I was driving to work and received "the call" - "the call" that changed my life as I knew it.  I will always remember where I was on Luna Road that morning.... it will be a place that when I drive there I can't help but remember the ring, Della's voice, and the calmness in my voice that said - "Della, I need to get to work and I will call you back."  I knew I had to wait until I was stationary, off the road, and not be a hazard to other drivers.  Crying while driving is just as dangerous as drunk driving...at least crying in the state that I was in.

I made it to work - parked, got in the building went to my office, shut the door and called my mom.  Came out of my office - went into Luann's and set there and bawled until I could piece myself together to call my boss and get home.  I knew that with this news meant a lot of people would be coming over.  I went home, changed all the sheets on the beds, cleaned the house, and prepared for a few days of chaos and many people.  I knew the couple of hours I had to do that was the only hours I would have alone for up to a week.  No one was going to let me be by myself.  And that was ok.

I wanted to call Bill - I texted him instead.  All I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me.... but that was going to have to wait.  We were still apart at the time you passed .... 

June 4 will never be the same...it will be the day that I was robbed of years with my best friend, it will be the day that I will never forget where I was, what I was doing and the flood of sadness that engulfed me that day.  It will be the day my heart broke into a million pieces for your family, your friends, all of those  that loved you.  It was the day I realized we will never go eat soup and salad at Olive Garden or nachos at Cristina's... we will never go spend way too much money at the mall or just randomly go see a movie again.  It was the day I realized I would never be able to call you when Bill and I got back together (even though I believe you had a hand in it while sitting up in heaven smiling), it was a day I had a sobering reality that my partner in crime, my best friend, my sister, and I would never speak/text/email again.  It is a day that breaks my heart each and every time I think about it.

I know that you would want me to not be sad, to live a life to the fullest, that brings awareness to the awful disease that took you too soon so I do.... I wake up each day with a smile on my face, thankful that I woke up and have a day to enjoy.  I'm thankful for my health and the steps I take to ensure I have a long, healthy life with  my family, my friends, and my future children.  I wake up each day and throughout some point think of you and how you changed my life even after you were physically gone from this earth.  I wake up and thank God that he gives us angels like you.

I wake up and think about this...

“God, whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people – because that’s what life is all about. I don’t want to waste this day.”

 

 

xoxoxoxoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't forget about Mrs. Adventures DAY OF GIVEAWAYS ON FRIDAY JUNE 10!

The "C" word.....

This morning as I was driving into a meeting downtown for work, I became overwhelmed. 

I'm driving down the tollway, Starbucks in hand, ready to start the day.  I had a terrible day yesterday - a crazy bad headache knocked me on my ass and I went to bed at 6 - woke up at 8pm, ate a little bit and went back to bed and slept until 8am this morning. 

Immediately when I have a bad headache I think of Jess. 

I know it's not healthy, I know my headache was tension and stress induced, I KNOW this, but I can't help but think "what if"..... anyway...

I'm driving into work, drinking my coffee, checking emails while sitting in traffic (I know - bad driver) all of the sudden I look up and see a billboard....

"We treat your Cancer differently here"....

Then I actually start listening to the radio show blaring through my speakers.  The morning drive with The Musers (I'm a ticket-chick) They are interviewing Rhett Butler, a talented guitar player, also a family member left picking up the pieces after his brother passed from brain cancer last May.  He is releasing a movie about his brother at the Dallas Film Festival this weekend.  He's fighting the fight after his brother passed, he is DOING something!

I automatically become stricken with sadness, lonliness, and guilt.  .

Why guilt? 

Because I feel like I'm not doing ENOUGH to help in the battle to find a cure for Cancer.  I feel like I could do more...... I feel like I put so much time and effort into other things - I haven't done what I need to do for Jess - or others who are battling this terrible disease. 

I want to do more.

But what? I raise money, I try and promote awareness, and keep Jess' memory alive...but I want to do more.

I don't really know what MORE is, yet, I'm sure it will come to me one day.  I would love to be able to work full time fighting for cancer legislation, helping families and loved ones who are going through the battle, and ultimately make a difference in the fight against cancer - but I am not Lance Armstrong or Susan G. Komen or the American Cancer Society........

I am a working 29 year old girl who grieves the loss of her best friend - who doesn't want ANYONE to feel the pain that she felt and Jess' family felt.  I want to make a difference....but the looming question is ... How?

Do you ever feel like this?  You know you WANT to do something to help - but don't know HOW to? 

Livestrong Part 2 (and pics)

Sunday we woke up.... It was one of those days where we should have stayed in bed.

I had a TERRIBLE headache that started on Saturday and apparently decided it liked me so much it stayed until yesterday... seriously I didn't get rid of it until yesterday.... sometimes it still lingers which called for a massage.  So I scheduled one for tomorrow....what up!

We were up early and departed by 6:45am.  The ride was out in Dripping Springs and the two lane road from Austin to D.S. is quite congested as you can imagine with 3,100+ riders.

We arrived at the parking area and this happened...

We fell into a culvert.... it was  hidden but it was NOT a good start to the morning.

Newbie and Me

 Newbie, Me, Cayla

While we prepared for the ride THANK GOD Zeke, Della and my mom were there to man the issue.  While we were out riding, Zeke found a tow rope and pulled out Cayla's Jeep with Della's car....It was a great sight to see her car like this:

when we rode into the finish.

The ride start is pretty congested... Riders are everywhere and though they try really hard to keep you separated by mileage it rarely ends in a swift start.  You end up walking bike for like 10 minutes before you can actually get on and start riding.

 Mom tried to get Lance

Cayla (after a frustrating morning) took off for her ride... Newbie and met up with her at Mile 7 - when she had a flat on bike tire...FML....

The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful (minus those god-forsaken hills in Dripping Springs)...

After the race we hit up the swag tents, some food tents and I played with Coop with the kids area... we hit the road for home and called it a weekend.....

More pics for you:

 Cayla, Me, Newbie and Della

 

 What it's all about.... love you Jess 

 

 The run start

The sun rising over Austin

 

Levi....

 

With Lance... or the larger than life size poster of him

heading out on the bike

  

Coop waiting for us to come in....

 

 After the ride at the post-event party!

 With Zeke!

 LOVE YOU JESS!!!!!

Livestrong Part 1.....

The LiveStrong Challenge is always an emotional event for me.  We started last year participating in this annual event and I’m so proud that Cayla and Newbie and Della continued the tradition with me this year.  It is such a great mid year event for us to see each other, as we live fairly far away from each other and typically only see each other at this event and our annual girls weekend in March.

*Saturday morning as the sun was rising over Austin*

(L to R - Della, Cayla, Me, Newbie)

Friday was our day of service at work and Cayla had to work the volleyball game at her school…which meant we weren’t getting out of town until late.  I met her in Ft. Worth and headed out around 8:30.  Please remember that the ALCS Game 6 was on (first pitch was 7:07) and had we not had a 6:30am wake up call on Saturday we may have considered watching the game and THEN driving to Austin; however… we headed out and programmed the radio to 105.3…the official Ranger radio station.

I was sending Cayla text updates as I listened driving to Ft. Worth, a normal 45 minute drive took an hour and 20 minutes.  UGH! But the game was on so I was fine….

I got to her school...she finished up her duties we loaded up and headed out in her Jeep Grand Cherokee….

As we were approaching Waco (Yes, the town where David Koresh became infamous for his Branch Dividian compound, Mount Carmel) we were loosing the Ranger game on the station…. You can ask Bill the one thing that annoys me more than slow drivers and people who stop in the right hand lane and DON’T turn is static on the radio….seriously it’s like nails on a chalkboard...

It was in between the 8^th and 9^th innings…we were up 6-1…. Fearful reminder of the game 1 (where the yanks scored 5 runs in the 8^th) had passed HOWEVER – it’s not over until it’s over…….. Cayla was driving like a bat out of HELL…literally we were rushing to the ONLY bar in Waco we knew of, George’s Bar.  Famous for their Big O’s (schooners of beer) and Live Texas Country music scene…we just knew the game would be on there.

We went 80mph, exited (at probably 65mph) cut through an abandoned Chevron (or something) and skidded to a screeching halt in a marked off parking space.  (No exaggeration).

Ran inside…and parked ourselves at the bar…just in time for the first out of the 9^th inning.  (THANK YOU NEFTALI!)….. We won! HOLY CRAP – we are going to the WORLD SERIES, THE FREAKIN’ WORLD SERIES!!!!!  I jumped up and down and proceeded to tweak my ankle and calf… FML…. I limped outside…happy as a clam.

We got back in the car…. and headed to Austin.  Arrived right before midnight and laid our sleepy heads to rest.

Saturday was pretty par for the course…we were up early, made it to the race site with no drama to speak of (if we only knew…….) and set out for our 5K start.  At about mile 1.25 I lost it.  Thank GOD Della was right there to comfort me.  I literally was sobbing, hysterically, hyperventilating … it was B.A.D.  People probably thought…that poor girl can’t even make it a mile and a half….. really???? The only good part was that Della and I were able to catch up over a teary next mile.  We finished it out running in a terrible time of like 38 minutes.  OUCH – that’s not good for the record books – thank goodness it wasn’t chip timed.

After the 5K we went over to the LiveStrong Expo…. The expo is held at the convention center in downtown.  We grabbed our t-shirts (which were too big…way too big – I ordered a medium and it is more like a L/XL) and then hit the swag booths.  I picked up a patch kit for my bike tires, a few koozies, some samples of my Honey Stinger Waffle (read review HERE), and other random things…. Then Cayla and I were stopped by a Nissan rep…she said that Levi Leipheimer was going to be signing autographs in 5 minutes.  I watched every second of the TDF this year… I feel like I am intimately involved with Levi….so we got in line.  We took THIS…

Then had him sign our bib numbers.  HOW COOL IS THAT????...wait though it only gets better….

After the expo we grabbed some lunch and headed back for a little rest at the hotel.  Cayla wanted to go to Mellow Johnny’s (Lance’s bike shop in Austin) and check it out so I woke up got half dressed and went with her.  We split up once we got inside…I was looking at cycling jersey’s when I overheard this woman say to her friend…

Random Woman: “Do you watch Grey’s” (wouldn’t any REAL friend know if you watched Grey’s? I guess that’s beside the point)

Random Woman’s Friend: “Yes – every now and then”

Random Woman: “McDreamy is over in the RadioShack area”

::insert jaw drop, mild screech from me here::

I immediately called Cayla and said:

Me: “where are you?!?!?!”

Cayla: “over by the Livestrong stuff”

Me: “Get to the RadioShack area stat…. McDreamy is here”

Cayla: “McDreamy?? Like Grey’s McDreamy?”

Me: in a high pitched quasi-16 yearold scream “YES!”…

We met at the RadioShack area…. And scooted our little booties in line for this photo op: our eyes met, he leaned in for a kiss…. Oh wait…that was in my dream…..

HELLO PATRICK J  Seriously…are you going to have a baby with Mere or what????? The people want to know!!!!!!!!!

He was SO nice…. We talked for a few minutes about the ride on Sunday – he was getting fit for and buying a new bike and was planning on riding the 45 mile course on Sunday.  (He was also honorary Livestrong captain on Sunday – but we missed him in his spandex glory *tear*)

PHOTO DISCLAIMER: I look like CRAP – I had just woken up, had a terrible headache and the bags beneath my eyes look equivalent to sand bags….. I usually look much cuter J

Sunday Report to follow later….with more pictures…

Livestrong '10

It was an exciting...drama, tear-filled, challenging weekend...but it was fun, SO worth it, and I have lots of pics to share...

I also have 110 blog posts to read in my google reader...man you guys can seriously post... I never realized how many blogs I read/comment/stalk until they pile up into one big google reader mess :)

Hopefully I can catch up and comment later today and tonight.... and post pictures...for now I'm at work and have to catch up on three days of being out of the office...

Here's my weekend in an up/down fashion:

Up: RANGERS WIN THE ALCS...WORLD SERIES BOUND BABY!!

Down: Had to miss watching the game and relent to listening on the radio as we drive to Austin

Up:  Made it in time to George's Bar in Waco to watch the ninth inning...just as we were loosing radio reception

Down:  Got into Austin way too late...had an early Saturday morning wake up call

Up: Made it up in time to get dressed/eat breakfast and make it to the race site with time to spare

Down: Meltdown at mile 1.25.... seriously, break down of all break downs... tears, hyper-ventalating, could not run.... major meltdown.....the emotional part of the reason why I participate in this particular weekend was too much... more later

Up: I was able to connect with one of my girls, Della, over a teary 1 mile...

Up: Ags win vs. Kansas

Down: Mom and Cooper were delayed 6 hours at the airport getting to Austin

Up: They finally arrived....and Cooper was able to tour the cockpit and flip a few gauges

more....to....come......

6 at 6

I ran 6 miles this morning at 6am :)  Sorry for the lack of "real" blogging this week.  Work has been nuts....

Monday started out with a particularly late day at the office; after sleeping through my alarm and missing Master's Swim.  (I attribute this to the PMS.... I'm luck to the fact that I don't get terrible cramps, etc... but man do I get S.L.E.E.P.Y -- sorry male readers).  I worked so late I didn't get my bike ride in.  My boss was in a terrible mood, i.e. bitching at every last thing, huffing, puffing, you know the "mad boss" fiasco I'm sure.  I had every intention of hooking up my trainer and riding during the Ranger game but after the horrible, no good, very bad day I had ZERO energy to get on my bike and ride... so instead I drank a Jack and Diet with Bill and we cuddled up on the couch in our Ranger gear and watched the game.(oh yes we ate steak and grilled veggies too...delish)

Tuesday - was a mild continuation of the bosses' rant which equalled another late night at the office.... AND a Ranger game.... Day #2 with no work out... awesome.

Wednesday - I got up for master's swim...thank god... but missed my bike.... Now I'm just seriously in the hole.

Thursday - today - Bill and I have plans for dinner tonight with friends at our FAVORITE Greek restaurant so I knew that the likelihood of me running after work was small, as in non-existent.  I got up this morning at 5:45am - hopped in my car and was running by 6:15am.  I ran 6 miles before work...and before an 8:30 am presentation -- can I get a BOO-YA?!?  Thank you :)

Tomorrow was supposed to be my off day, but because of my two impromptu off days earlier in the week I will be getting up to go to Master's Swim and then hopefully either a 3 mile run OR a quick ride on my trainer before I head to Austin.

This weekend is the Livestrong Challenge...and what an amazing event; but also a very emotional event for me.  I am able to honor my best friend through two of my passions, running and cycling, with a foundation that was near and dear to her.  I miss her dearly - every day - and hope that she is smiling down on me in heaven.

I hope you all have a great weekend :) I'll try and blog pics from the weekend but if not - have a good one and I"ll be back Monday!!!!!

Hugs and Love!